Archive for the ‘Change’ Category

Personal Change and facing your fears to gain control of your life and/or recover or get well from challenges in your life means learning to cope with the process of change and the how to stop fearing your fears. It involves learning how to soothe yourself, be kind to yourself, take good self-care, love yourself, and becoming more aware of how, what, and why you think what you think. What you think creates how you feel. How you feel determines your experience in all areas of your life.

We’re all human and therefore we all have fears. Some of us fear death, others fear being alone, and others fear social situations. If you can think of it, there’s someone somewhere that’s afraid of it. But fear is a normal part of life. It’s what protects us and keeps us safe. There are times, though, when fear can hinder us and stop us from enjoying life and experiencing new joys.

All fears have their roots somewhere inside based upon negative thoughts and association with past experience. It is how you have internalized and perceived those experiences that dictates how much fear you have right now and how you may be doing some extreme things in your life to avoid that fear. Things that really are not healthy and won’t help you but will only cause you more pain and actually increase your over-all negative experience and your fears.

When your fear starts to limit what you do in life, you need to conquer that fear. Does your fear of flying stop you from traveling to visit family members or prevent you from taking the vacation of your dreams?

What about socializing with coworkers after work? Have you turned down social invitations simply because you were anxious about not knowing anyone in the group? If your fears are stopping you from taking advantage of the new opportunities in your life, then it’s time to regain control of your life and disallow your fears from paralyzing you. After all, you can’t live in a bubble! It’s time to start living your life instead of watching life passing you by.

To help you gain control of your life, here are a few tips on how to get over your
fears:

First, identify your fears. Get a piece of paper and write down exactly what you’re afraid of. It doesn’t matter how long the list is, whether it has one thing or 15 things on it. And it doesn’t matter if these fears sound irrational. No one needs to see the list other than you. This is about you taking control and getting over your fears.

Next, figure out why you have the fear. Try to remember a specific incident that might have caused the fear. Maybe your fear of flying intensified because you’ve been on a turbulent flight. Or maybe your fear of dogs stemmed from being bitten as a child.

If you’ve blocked out these memories because they’re too painful to remember, a professional can help you reach those memories and decipher their meaning. A professional can also advise other forms of treatment, such as hypnosis or the emotional freedom technique (EFT).

Now the hard part begins: overcoming or conquering these fears. Be patient and be prepared to do some work because, just as the fear took time to manifest, it will take time to
conquer.

• Personal Change and Coping Audio and Workbook
• Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life – 19 Coaching Exercises – End Negative Thought Patterns
• Developing Self Awareness and Creating Personal Life Change
• A.J. Mahari’s Coaching Guide/Ebook/Workbook – Quest For Self Awareness & Creating Your Story of Success Audio
• LONELINESS – Its Challenges, Lessons, Purpose and Meaning Ebook
• The Power of Gratitude – Nurtures Healing, Recovery, Self Improvement – Ebook and Audio 
• The Importance of Observing The Moment Mindfully – Effective ways to Cope with Stress
• Unresolved Abandonment
• 1 – 60 Minute Life Coaching Session
• Audio About Borderline Personality
• Audio For Loved Ones of Someone with Borderline Personality

All content of all Ebooks, Video, Audios, and Workbooks are © A.J. Mahari and Phoenix Rising Publications/Life Coaching

Take Baby Steps

In the movie What About Bob? there was a therapist who had a patient who was afraid of everything. The therapist used the baby step approach with this patient, which simply
means taking small steps, one at a time, to gain more confidence and eventually overcome the fear.

What would your baby steps be? It depends on your fear.

1. If you’re afraid of social situations, slowly start going to different events. Start with small groups, perhaps in very open environments, then transition slowly into larger gatherings. The purpose here is to prove to yourself that there’s nothing for you to fear.
2. Socialize with a small group of friends you already know. Polish your social skills among people who already know you. You have less to lose and won’t feel as if you must say the right thing at all times.
3. If you’re afraid of dogs, take this same approach by visiting a friend who has a dog. Small dogs are much less intimidating (although they might bark more frequently). If your friends don’t have dogs, ask your local vet’s office or animal shelter if you can visit.
4. Fear of flying is much more difficult to conquer because of the expense, but you can look into hypnosis. Also, some airports or flight schools might have classes in airplane simulators that help you feel like you’re in an airplane. That type of plan will take more research but will open the world to you.

By facing your fears and finding a way to overcome them, you will open up your life to many more opportunities. Take control of your life and take action and change what has you depressed, change why you aren’t in a relationship or a healthy relationship, change how you feel about yourself and others. Facing fear, in and of itself, is the way to  make a new choice for personal change and learning to cope with it today. The only thing there is to truly fear is fear itself. That can take over your life if you let it. If you feel like fear has taken over your life, like you are blocked and stuck and want more out of your life, then it is time to embark on a journey of personal change.

© A.J. Mahari and Phoenix Rising Publications/Life Coaching, February 4, 2012 – All rights reserved.

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Author, Life Coach, BPD and Mental Health Coach, A.J. Mahari provides 5 coaching tips and insight into techniques that are helpful and effective ways of taking wished for, hoped for, wanted/needed or dreamed about change and goals from conception, to strategy, to action, to accomplishment and to transforming them into reality in your life.

As Life Coach, BPD and Mental Health Coach A.J. Mahari highly recommends keeping a journal. Keeping a journal is a technique that can help you make improvements in your life. For some people, the ability to keep a journal comes fairly naturally. Then there are plenty of people who aren’t so sure about it and find it more difficult to the point of  struggling with it. There are many types of journaling and many reasons to do so. There are many topics that my clients keep journals for – that’s right journals, plural, and not just one journal. I recommend to many of my clients a few different journals to keep and actively write in regularly. A couple of examples of these types of journals include a Gratitude Journal, a Getting To Know Myself Journal and a Journal of Triggers – actions and reactions to name just a few.

Journal To Gain Awareness

Actively engaging this process of writing and reflecting – keeping a journal for your self improvement, healing, and/or personal growth is one important and central way to begin to lay a solid foundation of insight and self-awareness. Insight and self-awareness that create new perspectives that are central to shifting your focus, being more attuned with your thoughts and feelings, and unblocking yourself, getting unstuck. Keeping a journal can help you to get in touch with just what the obstacles are that have kept you blocked and/or stuck up to this point in your life.

Whether you keep a consistent daily journal, an occasional journal, or write notes to yourself when ideas come to you, this technique can have powerful implications in helping you identify your goals. Daily writing and reflecting in a journal – even one you keep on your computer, can help you to gain increasing self-awareness that will help you to have much more clarity and a greater understanding of what you want and need in the way of healthy positive change in your life. Of course, keeping a journal is also very centrally helpful when it comes to effective planning, and mapping out your personal strategy – action steps necessary to accomplish your goals and achieve your dreams.

Writing Regularly in a Journal Will Make Things Happen

Putting your goals, thoughts, hopes, and dreams on paper will help you gain the awareness that can support you in actualizing what matters to you most and bringing it into your consciousness much more fully. Bring your goals and dreams into your daily thoughts by writing them down. You can even add your affirmation to help you keep new positive thoughts in mind as you explore new ways of thinking.

8 Strategies to gain awareness into your self-improvement goals using the technique of journal-writing:

1. Write quickly and passionately. Let the ideas flow onto the paper without dwelling on one thing for too long. Writing this way will allow your goals, dreams, and wishes to flow out freely beyond what you may have even thought possible. Don’t censor yourself. Don’t judge.
2. Set a time goal to write in your journal without stopping until the time period you’ve chosen ends. When you’re finished, you may be surprised with what you’ve written and gain new insight and understanding.
3. Write consistently. You may not be an everyday writer, you  may not be that interested in writing at all, but create a routine to keep your journal writing commitment going and flowing. When you write on a regular basis, you’ll be building a solid foundation of awareness of your thoughts and reflections.
4. Identify goals and reflect on them. Outline your most important self-improvement goals when you begin to journal. Reflect on them often so you can keep checking in with yourself to determine if you are taking active steps toward achieving them.
5. Be honest. You can be completely honest in your journal because no one else will read it but you. Share your secrets, dreams, and desires – even the ones you cannot share with anyone else. Use your journal as a sounding board, and never sacrifice honesty for any reason. ?Honesty is the heartbeat of your authentic self. Honesty will connect you much more deeply to this authenticity of self over time.
6. Ask yourself tough questions. Self-reflection is an important aspect of self-improvement, and your journal can be a significant benfit  in the reflection process. Ask yourself questions about where you are right now in your life and where you want to be so you can brainstorm the necessary steps in the self-improvement process.? This may also give you more awareness and perspective about what’s blocking you.
7. Refer back to your past writing regularly. When you have a bad day, look at your positive writing to ease your thoughts. When you feel lost or unsure about yourself, look back over your goals and insights to find guidance. Including affirmations at the end of each journal entry can give you an quick and easy-look refresher about what you wrote about on a given day if you do not have time or the emotional energy, at times, to re-read what might be lengthy journal entries.
8. Choose a journal that’s right for you. Select a journal that resonates within you, something that you feel comfortable and confident writing in. You can purchase a journal from a bookstore, create your own, or simply collect loose pages in a binder. The right journal will inspire you to use it. Some people prefer to journal on their laptop or computer. It can be faster, and you can keep it organized in creative ways and be able to refer back to specific journal entries with much more ease.

Simply putting your thoughts down on paper can help you realize your dreams and focus your attention on what truly matters in your life. Strive to write in your journal as often as you feel the need to. Add affirmations to the beginning or end of each journal entry for quick review and to help you re-gain the important connection to any particular journal entry. Journaling is a powerful tool, but is only effective when you do it fairly regularly and when it is more than just expressing difficult emotions. The most helpful journals will have both positive and negative entries. Often people fail to journal about positive experiences as well as confusing, painful, or difficult – even negative feelings, thoughts, perceptions, memories, and experiences.

© A.J. Mahari, January 6, 2011 – All rights reserved.

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Pathway – really pathways – to your happiness often have to be sought out. You may be on a path that is blocking your happiness and not be aware of how or why. You may feel as though you are a victim of circumstances or misunderstandings. You may not realize how many choices you are making every day. Subconscious choices that are often made from fearful and negative core beliefs. Core beliefs that you may not be aware that you even have.

No one else is or can be responsible for your happiness or lack of happiness in your life. It is no longer anyone else’s fault. It is now your responsibility. You really can choose to empower yourself and that’s what so much of  my coaching with people is all about. Helping you to empower yourself and learn to make new choices that will make it possible for you to be on your own pathway to and with a contented happiness in your life.

A major key to finding your happiness begins with realizing that you have the power to choose to do just that. You can become your own brain mechanic adjusting thoughts and beliefs that you become aware of to work for you instead of against you in your quest for happiness and emotional peace.

You can choose to shine, live an inspired life, and make your dreams come true.

I am a Life Coach and I offer coaching sessions that can help you to unblock your own happiness and contentment. Emotional mastery is a process through which people can find their way from emotionally blocked, often unhappy – or even depressed – to the pathway to needed and wanted change that can and will be the road to happiness for you. I do have an introductory Emotional Mastery Audio available now.

Much of what I will be writing about and coach others about, in their own lives, I have lived in my own life. I have been in the pits of despair. I lived the much of my life between the ages of 20 and 33 or so in a negative mindset and from the stance of being and feeling like a victim – and I did this without even knowing or understanding that’s what I was doing and choosing. I was mired in toxic unhealthy patterns of relating. I lacked boundaries. I was often involved in being enmeshed with others and in codependent relationships. I have changed all of this. Living in the ways I have just described I lived did not allow me to experience any happiness.

So, if you feel hopeless right now. If you feel so depressed you doubt that you could really ever be happy I hope you will stay tuned here and come back often. I hope that you will, if nothing, else, decide to continue to read and reach for hope and more understanding of how you really can choose and get on your own pathway to happiness.

© A.J. Mahari, Sept 30, 2010 – All rights reserved.

Grief is what it is. Grief is a part of life. Grief is a process that unfolds whenever we suffer, experience, or feel loss. Some reasons for grief are obvious ? the death of a loved one, loss of a job or relationship, for example. Reasons for grief can be subtle ? unfinished emotional baggage from childhood interfering with goal identification and achievement in the here and now, for example. Life Coach, A.J. Mahari outlines 7 keys that help the grief process and 7 keys that hinder the process of grieving.

It is a paradox, but what we so ache at the loss of we also long to hold on to in ways that can prolong the pain and suffering of grief. Grief is a process that we must fully engage through radical acceptance from a thoughtful mindfulness that can sustain us through the pain that we need to feel in order to heal.

Grief is the process and expression of the pain of loss and sadness. It is a process that needs to be honored, sooner or later. Everyone does grieve in their own time and in their own ways. It is important to understand that grief, is natural, and necessary when you experience loss of any kind and that even though it may feel like it will last forever, it won?t.

Often when we?ve lost someone we?ve loved, person or pet, grief, as profound and distressing as it can feel, can be clung to at a point to avoid what will feel like an even greater loss. When we are actively grieving for someone or for a pet or a lost relationship the grief, while it hurts, is company. The grief keeps us connected to the person, pet, or relationship (or whatever the loss was) longer. It keeps us feeling close. It hurts, but it reminds us also of happier times, of what we?d hoped for rather than what we have come to have to feel, face, and live with.

To read the rest of this article please visit Dialectic Magazine

Transformation is a process of change in nature or character. The type of transformation that unfolds in the process of personal growth, healing, and recovery. Transformation by its very nature produces pain and/or discomfort.

Many people abandon their own sacred process of transformation because it hurts, and feels, at times, very uncomfortable. Change must be sought after and consciously worked for. It requires a radical acceptance of the more difficult emotions that accompany it.

Life is a series of transitional transformation if we want to continue to grow and emotionally mature. There are peaks and valleys in this series of transitional transformation.

Transformation that brings about change requires that we move from what we've known and what we've always chosen to more of what is unknown to us and to the conscious making of new choices.

Radical acceptance practice is a very practical way to learn how to tolerate the distress of any and all change. It will help you to keep your eyes focused more positively on your desired change not so negatively focused on the pain that is a natural companion of it.

It is kind of a "no pain, no gain" spiritual, emotional, and psychological application of what it takes to build physical muscle. When we are in a transformative period we need to learn how to passively flex our spiritual, emotional, and psychological muscles.

Radical acceptance of the pain and anxiety of change frees us up to focus more on the positive outcome that we seek. Mindful radical acceptance puts us in touch with a deeper unfolding awareness that can help us be cognizant of the growth opportunity that the pain of change offers to us.

We do not have to worry about the pain or the anxiety – they come to teach us – they come to pass and they are part of the process of transformation. Accepting the pain of transformation and change opens up a world of opportunity.

© A.J. Mahari December 17, 2008 – All rights reserved.