Archive for the ‘Core Beliefs’ Category

Personal Change and facing your fears to gain control of your life and/or recover or get well from challenges in your life means learning to cope with the process of change and the how to stop fearing your fears. It involves learning how to soothe yourself, be kind to yourself, take good self-care, love yourself, and becoming more aware of how, what, and why you think what you think. What you think creates how you feel. How you feel determines your experience in all areas of your life.

We’re all human and therefore we all have fears. Some of us fear death, others fear being alone, and others fear social situations. If you can think of it, there’s someone somewhere that’s afraid of it. But fear is a normal part of life. It’s what protects us and keeps us safe. There are times, though, when fear can hinder us and stop us from enjoying life and experiencing new joys.

All fears have their roots somewhere inside based upon negative thoughts and association with past experience. It is how you have internalized and perceived those experiences that dictates how much fear you have right now and how you may be doing some extreme things in your life to avoid that fear. Things that really are not healthy and won’t help you but will only cause you more pain and actually increase your over-all negative experience and your fears.

When your fear starts to limit what you do in life, you need to conquer that fear. Does your fear of flying stop you from traveling to visit family members or prevent you from taking the vacation of your dreams?

What about socializing with coworkers after work? Have you turned down social invitations simply because you were anxious about not knowing anyone in the group? If your fears are stopping you from taking advantage of the new opportunities in your life, then it’s time to regain control of your life and disallow your fears from paralyzing you. After all, you can’t live in a bubble! It’s time to start living your life instead of watching life passing you by.

To help you gain control of your life, here are a few tips on how to get over your
fears:

First, identify your fears. Get a piece of paper and write down exactly what you’re afraid of. It doesn’t matter how long the list is, whether it has one thing or 15 things on it. And it doesn’t matter if these fears sound irrational. No one needs to see the list other than you. This is about you taking control and getting over your fears.

Next, figure out why you have the fear. Try to remember a specific incident that might have caused the fear. Maybe your fear of flying intensified because you’ve been on a turbulent flight. Or maybe your fear of dogs stemmed from being bitten as a child.

If you’ve blocked out these memories because they’re too painful to remember, a professional can help you reach those memories and decipher their meaning. A professional can also advise other forms of treatment, such as hypnosis or the emotional freedom technique (EFT).

Now the hard part begins: overcoming or conquering these fears. Be patient and be prepared to do some work because, just as the fear took time to manifest, it will take time to
conquer.

• Personal Change and Coping Audio and Workbook
• Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life – 19 Coaching Exercises – End Negative Thought Patterns
• Developing Self Awareness and Creating Personal Life Change
• A.J. Mahari’s Coaching Guide/Ebook/Workbook – Quest For Self Awareness & Creating Your Story of Success Audio
• LONELINESS – Its Challenges, Lessons, Purpose and Meaning Ebook
• The Power of Gratitude – Nurtures Healing, Recovery, Self Improvement – Ebook and Audio 
• The Importance of Observing The Moment Mindfully – Effective ways to Cope with Stress
• Unresolved Abandonment
• 1 – 60 Minute Life Coaching Session
• Audio About Borderline Personality
• Audio For Loved Ones of Someone with Borderline Personality

All content of all Ebooks, Video, Audios, and Workbooks are © A.J. Mahari and Phoenix Rising Publications/Life Coaching

Take Baby Steps

In the movie What About Bob? there was a therapist who had a patient who was afraid of everything. The therapist used the baby step approach with this patient, which simply
means taking small steps, one at a time, to gain more confidence and eventually overcome the fear.

What would your baby steps be? It depends on your fear.

1. If you’re afraid of social situations, slowly start going to different events. Start with small groups, perhaps in very open environments, then transition slowly into larger gatherings. The purpose here is to prove to yourself that there’s nothing for you to fear.
2. Socialize with a small group of friends you already know. Polish your social skills among people who already know you. You have less to lose and won’t feel as if you must say the right thing at all times.
3. If you’re afraid of dogs, take this same approach by visiting a friend who has a dog. Small dogs are much less intimidating (although they might bark more frequently). If your friends don’t have dogs, ask your local vet’s office or animal shelter if you can visit.
4. Fear of flying is much more difficult to conquer because of the expense, but you can look into hypnosis. Also, some airports or flight schools might have classes in airplane simulators that help you feel like you’re in an airplane. That type of plan will take more research but will open the world to you.

By facing your fears and finding a way to overcome them, you will open up your life to many more opportunities. Take control of your life and take action and change what has you depressed, change why you aren’t in a relationship or a healthy relationship, change how you feel about yourself and others. Facing fear, in and of itself, is the way to  make a new choice for personal change and learning to cope with it today. The only thing there is to truly fear is fear itself. That can take over your life if you let it. If you feel like fear has taken over your life, like you are blocked and stuck and want more out of your life, then it is time to embark on a journey of personal change.

© A.J. Mahari and Phoenix Rising Publications/Life Coaching, February 4, 2012 – All rights reserved.

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Life Coaching is still somewhat new in terms of how many people actually know about it. Many people who could benefit greatly from working with a Life Coach, BPD and Mental Health Coach, like myself, can only really begin to become more aware of all of the benefits of working with a life coach when he or she takes the first step in booking a session and in being open to the innovative and practical strategy and goal oriented solutions that will empower him/her. Have you wondered if Life Coaching could help you? 

My philosophy of Life Coaching is innovative and practical. Compassionate support along with the art of asking the questions that each client can use as a road-map to desired and/or needed change. Questions that I have 15 years of experience in formulating in response to the many equally commonly-themed and yet also uniquely individual situations that motivate my clients to work with me as their Coach.

All change begins with acceptance. If you feel blocked, it will be important for you to become more aware that you are supporting your own roadblocks via the choices that you are making – or in some cases choices that you are avoiding.

Each person has such capacity to empower him or herself. What keeps people feeling helpless, powerless, or like victims, tends to be the willfulness of trying to control things that are outside of your realm of control.

Take a personal inventory of what you can and cannot control. What you investing in? Do you think that what you are investing in is moving you forward and helping you to grow and learn or is it blocking you?

I work with many clients who just need to learn how to get out of their own way. They need to learn what it truly means to flow with life.

In working with clients I coach tailoring each session to each individual means that I can offer you an innovative experience that will have pratical application to your life in the here-and-now.

What are you waiting for? The longer you wait, the longer you may well be stuck where you are? Nothing ventured, nothing gained. There is such empowerment in talking things over with me and in walking toward what you may well have avoided for years. What we avoid will keep us stuck.

Is there ever a good time for action in the face of inaction? If you aren’t sure what action you need to take that’s the perfect time to take one action step in booking a coaching session or sessions with me. That’s your first step to whatever your desires, needs, goals, and dreams are.

Don’t let feeling not worthy enough stop you from investing in you.

© A.J. Mahari, September 24, 2010

Life Coach, A.J. Mahari, works with clients who want and/or need to gain the tools and learn to the skills necessary to build and sustain emotional mastery. Core beliefs play a very important role in whether or not you can achieve emotional mastery. In the process of mastering your emotions it is important to be aware of what you are thinking. What you are thinking directly effects what you will be feeling.

For so many people who experience emotional pain, emotional chaos, emotional dysregulation, and so forth, it is not easy, or sometimes even possible to let go of what are negative and intrusive thoughts.

Thoughts that contribute to your feeling stuck re-experiencing emotions in ways that can leave you feeling anything from off-balance to very polarized and extreme emotions that cause suffering and that aren’t easily dealt with. These feelings are most often negative and stressful.

Negative and stressful emotions that can leave you feeling out of control or questioning whether or not you can trust yourself, your decisions, or your choices can often be the result of negative unresolved core beliefs. Core beliefs can often be hidden in your subconscious. This is why unearthing these core beliefs is an important part of learning to master your emotions.

Core beliefs are at the very center of what you think about yourself. Core beliefs are the foundation from which you experience your emotions. Core beliefs are also at the heart of how you experience others. How you view yourself, others, and your future.

Core beliefs are rigid, and strongly-held beliefs that are inflexible, absolute, and very polarized – very black and white. Core beliefs cause you to have a much more narrow experience of your emotions – often negative emotions. They also need to be understood and changed from within you if you are going to change the way that you interact and perhaps over-react to stressors or other people.

Your core beliefs effect that way that you think. The way that you think – what you think about – effects how you feel. If you are not aware of your core beliefs it can be difficult, if not impossible to understand your emotions. Identifying core beliefs the thought patterns that they perpetuate will help you to begin or continue the process of learning the skills necessary to practice and achieve emotional mastery.

© A.J. Mahari, December 20, 2009 – All rights reserved